Stephen Hawking is so paranoid, always looking over his shoulder

made me laugh out loud!

A salutary lesson in why you shouldn't speed...

I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again.







I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.

Thinking of cutting through Syria on my tour around eastern europe this winter. Some say it'll be a risky way to make the journey longer, but i recon it'll be a gas.

The media claim that GTA5 will make players commit crimes.

Bullshit, i've got the Coronation Street board game and i'm not a paedophile.

In the world there are 400 billion birds, 250,000 planes and 1 Superman. So in answer to your question its most likely a bird.

http://www.dailycognition.com/index.php/2008/10/31/35-clean-jokes-for-slightly-twisted-minds.html

After shagging Kylie Minogue yesterday I think there are 2 things you
all need to know. She really is as sexy as hell, secondly the staff at
Madam Tussauds are miserable bastards with no sense of humour!!

I was sent this from my dad the other day...

I slipped the condom over my erect dick and down my throbbing shaft, not breaking eye contact with the young woman who stood in jaw dropping disbelief. Breaking the silence, I said "yes this seems to fit fine, i'll take the whole box please."

the 2012 olympics was like any other day in london, a gun shot went off and 10 black people legged it.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA brilliant!!!! :lol:

after a girl dies,what organ in her body stays warm? my dick

Nigella lawson has spoken of her sympathy for Michael Schumacher after his skiing accident; 'I know how he feels', she said 'I myself have been totally fucked after a facefull of snow'.

His pit crew went to see him. It's not known how long they were there but they changed his drip and the wheels on his bed in 8.32 seconds..

Doctors say he will probably be able to race again, but only against Steven Hawking.

My Grans vagina is like a sandwich

I'll eat it, but i'll avoid the crust.

I saw on the news that Angela Merkel has been hurt in a skiing accident. Poor germans, they haven't been this unlucky in the snow since Stalingrad..

U.S army chiefs yesterday reported that there was something going down in Suffolk..

Turned out to be one of their helicopters.

I saw on the news that Angela Merkel has been hurt in a skiing accident. Poor germans, they haven't been this unlucky in the snow since Stalingrad..

... I want to laugh but I don't!

A bus stops and two obviously Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I pee twice. Then I come once more."

"You foul-mouthed wop swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, cool down lady," said the man. "I was only tellin' my friend here how to spell Mississippi."

Last night I fucked a fat chick in an elevator. Wrong on so many levels.

Scientists believe to have found species of homosexual dinosaurs. They are named MegaSoreArse.

Edited 28 January, 201412 yr by samwii

why the hell does Eric keep correcting to Eric? :L

Edit:

Oh ffs. G a y is being corrected to eric

Edited 28 January, 201412 yr by samwii

Haha - someone noticed!

Gay