Come on, theres loads out there :)

Also could we keep it that every post has a joke in it soo people are just reading convesations or posts :)

Ill start.

How do you get one hundred Pikachus on a bus?

Poke 'em on.

Police arrested two boys yesterday, one was eating fireworks and the other was drinking battery acid.

They charged one and the let the other on off

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other, how do you drive this thing.

why didnt the skeleton go to the party?

cause he had no-body to go with.

why did the girl fall off the swing?

because she had no arms.

a man got caught stealing a calender - he got 12 months.

must admit i prefer good jokes..

Why did the chicken cross the road......................... to see his flat mate

man goes to doctors with a steering wheel down his pants

doctor says" whats that doing down ther?"

man says" i dont know but its driving me nuts"

man walks into a bar and said "ouch!"

man goes in pet shop

"do you sell wasps?" he says

"no" says the owner

"well youve got some in the window"

bum bum tish! here all week

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he

said 'You've been promoted.'

And I swerved.

And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.'

And I swerved again.

He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'

And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said

'What happened to you?'

And I said 'I careered off the road.'

wheres my coat lol

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

What did the snow police say to a polar bear?

Freeze!

Dohoho I love penguin jokes :)

whats brown and sticky ............... a stick

keeping it simple :)

what do you call a black man who flies a plane

a pilot you fuckin racists hahahaha

Me and my mate were mastubating

to some hardcore dinosaur

pornography.

unfortunatly my mothersaurus..

what's pink and fluffy...

pink fluff!

what's blue & fluffy?

WRONG! it's pink fluff that's held its breath too long

Two fish swim into a concrete wall, the one turns to the other and says....

"DAM!"

Two oranges sat in a bar, the one finishes up his pint, turns to his friend and says...

"Your round!"

Two muffins sat in an oven, the one shouts "oh shit were stuck in an oven!!"

The other shouts "Oh shittt a talking muffin!!!!"

Dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

He lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?

Sistermatic :-D

i was in a cafe, the other day and i really needed to fart. so i thought if i timed it right i could fart in time with the music. timing was awesome. i finished my coffee and stood up. noticed everyone was looking at me. then i suddenly realised i had my ipod on.

English man, irish man and a american, all in a bar one night when they end up on the empire state building, the american says " i tell you what, with the up draft here i bet you could jump off float around and land back safely" the irish man says "could you hell" so the american jumps of floats around and lands back safley, the irish man astonished he runs jumps and plumits to his death, the english bloke says "Superman you can be a t*at when your pissed"

Scottish man, English man and an Irish man walk into a pub and the barman says "is this a fucking joke?"

There was once a magic tractor driving down the road, then it turned into a field...

what do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?

Cos it was dead

Why did the second squirrel fall out of tree?

Cos it was tied to the first squirrel

Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree?

Cos it thought it was a game

Did you hear about the magic tractor? ........drove down a lane and turned into a field!

Two men with pick axes and helmets walk into a bar and order 2 pints, bar man say "sorry we don't serve minors here!

Did you here about the missing gay wizard? ........apparently he disappeared with a puff!

Lovin this thread right now

Awesome thread I'm actually cracking up at these jokes

What's red and smells like paint?

Red Paint

Whats brown and looks through your window while you sleep?

A poo on stilts..

A Giraffe and a Zebra go to a bar and get pretty wasted, the zebra decides it's time to call it a night and goes to leave, the barman shouts "OI you can't leave that lyin' there!"

The zebra turns and says "that's not a lion it's a giraffe!"

Keep em coming

A scouser goes on Dragons Den and shows them an old shotgun and gamekeepers pouch.

Peter Jones says "And whats your idea?"

The scouser replies "Its a simple concept Peter... just put the money in the fucking bag you lanky idiot"

A city boy wanted to marry a country girl.

She insists that he has to ask her father for her hand in marriage. So off he goes to their farm to ask her father. "I want to marry your daughter".

the father says "Well, my boy you will have to prove to me that you are a man worthy of my daughter."

"I'll do anything for my love" says the young man.

"You see that cow out in the pasture? Well go screw it." A little puzzled the boy says"OK, anything for my love"

On his return of doing his deed, he asks, "Now can I marry your daughter?" "Nope." says the father

"See that goat over yonder? Well, Go screw it." Again the boy obliges and returns saying, "Now can I marry your daughter?"

"Nope. Not yet -- one more thing. See that pig in the sty? Well go to it.

" Once again he obliges and returns. This time the farmer is amazed at seeing this boy doing these deeds just to marry his daughter.

So the father finally tells the boy, "Now you can marry my daughter."

To which the boy replies, "BOLLOCKS TO YOUR DAUGHTER, HOW MUCH YOU WANT FOR THAT PIG?"

lmao at the last one......

not really a joke, but when i see people on their phones bashin the buttons away, i say... " has that got a camera?"......they say "yeah"

i ask "have you got any photos?" they say "yyyyhhhhh" so i ask "have you got any dirty pictures of your girlfriend "

they say "no!

so i reply "do you want some!