"Hello, by name's Bond... admittedly, not James Bond, Uni Bond"

"eh"

"Yeah, Unibond - I'm here to fill your crack"

thats one of the best i've heard. :lol:

My face is leaving in 15 minutes - be on it.

we need a like button!

Well what you do is go up to a girl you like waiting at the bar give abit of chat. Then you look at the neck tag on her top and say "oh yes as i suspected" she saids "what?" and you say "made in heaven!" another one. My name might not be fred flintstone but i can make your bed rock

Edited 6 April, 201115 yr by mc_hawkings24

is that a mirror in your knickers 'cos i can see myself in them. :-)

Fancy a bum?

Do you know what would look good on you?.... ME!

Do you like raisins? Well how about a date then?

Edited 6 April, 201115 yr by JakePolo34

- Did you Fart? Cause you blew me away

- If you were my homework, I'd be doing you all over this desk

- I may be now Fred Flintstone, But I can sure make your Bedrock

- I like your legs so much I'm going to name one Christmas and one New Years. Hey, can I see you between the holidays?

- Let's take a shower together - You smell!

Just a few cheesy ones :)

Reggie yates is doing some crackers on his new date thing on Radio 1

I was in stitches over some of them. Cannot remember them properly though so I'd fail at repeating them.

Some guy tried to chat up my mate with this the belter

Whats the difference between peanut butter and jam

She replies I dunno?

I cant peanut butter my knob up you're ass

She was having none of it but I thought it was hilarious

ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?

Damn near pissed myself!

One liners if not too crude are brilliant!

If she laughs your in anyways and if she doesnt she really aint worth it!

I've successfully used "I've forgotten where i live, can i come home with you" unfortunately when i sobered up in the morning shed got fat.....

I've successfully used "I've forgotten where i live, can i come home with you" unfortunately when i sobered up in the morning shed got fat.....

I've successfully used "I've forgotten where i live, can i come home with you" unfortunately when i sobered up in the morning shed got fat.....

Mate not funny, it was at my dads place too and she'd ruined a perfectly good duvet, i woke up, snook downstairs and left her in my room, almost forgot till my step mum screamed when she walked in and found her in the bathroom. Fair to say she had a taxi waiting by the time shed gotten downstairs!

Glad those days are over :-D

"Show me where you piss from" never fails

'Fancy a fuck' does work.

"Out of ten, I'd give you one!"

Do you buy your pants on sale? Because at my house they would be 100% off.

if i were to ask you for sex, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?

thats brilliant

if i were to ask you for sex, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one?

I'm newly single and off out on Thursday, I shall let you know how this one works!

guy: nice suit

girl: what suit?

guy: TITSUIT

I am scottish so for us it sounds like tits out .... tits oot!

has worked!

oh and iv lost my teddy can i sleep with you! (not worked yet)

Edited 27 April, 201115 yr by g40_wannabe

Hahahaha i have a chat up line and a recovery method for when it doesnt go to plan!

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven..?

Girl: Go Awa..

Guy: ..cause it looks like you landed on your FACE!

Or if your ambitious - "Nice Shoes, Wanna Fxck?"

no word of a lie this is what my assistant manager said to the xleaner while she was hoovering "ah man look my trousers are filty(pointed at his crotch(they actually were dirty) dyou fancy giving them a suck?"

had us all including the cleaner in fits lol

One i heard last nite....

Lad: Have you got any cellotape? ......

Girl: No why?.....

Lad: Becuase I'm ripped!

I found it quite funny anyway :)

My tongues and explorer, and your my uncharted territory

I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong