there was a topic like this in the old off topic, it got locked because people were boasting about what they had killed thought it was funny and so understandably people got upset and offended.

so please don't let this go the same way....

I haven't been driving long, so I haven't managed to hit much yet, but I have had a suicidal pigeon dive out off the central reservation and bounce off my windscreen, that certainly wakes you up...

Hit a pig full bore in the old Sprinter van, literally came round a corner doing 40ish, and the bastard thing was just standing there on my side of the road.

Needless to say, it looked like someone had used a butter knife to spread the pig across the road and all up the van.

Write off obviously hahaha.

Hit a pig full bore

I see what you did there

Basically, everything below a deer.

Pheasants, often intentionally because they taste good and a stamdard mk2's numberplate it at the perfect height.

Foxes, often intentionally if I'm in a van because I hate the c***s.

The unintentional ones on the other hand:

First blood was a pigeon that decided to play chicken with my Fiat Panda's windscreen. It went straight into it face first when I was doing about 60. The windscreen was laminated, so it cracked top to bottom and ended up with feathers sticking out of it. It wasn't that that scared me, I'd seen it coming, what scared me was my g/f at the time screaming her lungs out because she hadn't seen it coming

Then I had a young owl fly into my rear quarterlight and stun itself. I went back to make sure it was alright. She convinced me to wrap it up and rescue it. 5 minutes later I was driving along with an owl flying round inside the car

I ran over a badger in my old truck. It bounced off the bullbar (putting a bend in a 4mm steel plate), rattled off the exhaust and rolled out the back. We'd been shooting so got the humane killer out the back in case it wasn't dead amd approached it. It rolled over, gave us a look of "What did you do that for you C**t?" snorted and walked off not even limping.

I was driving up the M1 in my Mk2 really early one morning when a fox ran out of the central reservation. I jumped on the brakes and did an evasive action and it ran into my offside front while I was doing about 65mph. Had I been in a modern car I'd probably have needed a new headlight and bumper at least. Luckily Mk2's are built proper, so I only needed an indicator lens. The fox kinda needed a new... well... fox.

The one that properly scared the crap out of me nearly killed my Rocco, and probably me and Karl as well. Iwas happily driving along when a deer jumped over the hedge on the right of the road. Stopped, looked at me with a look that said "ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh shit" then jumped over the hedge on the other side.

About a month later, her species had a second attempt on my Rocco. I swung into a back lane in the middle of the night and found a family of deer standing in the road. A slide to halt and about 2-3 minutes later, I'd finally got them to saunter off the road. Timid as a deer my arse.

Basically, everything below a deer.

5 minutes later I was driving along with an owl flying round inside the car

That made me crack up

I nearly hit a deer the other day, one popped outta the hedge on the backroad to work and I stamped on the brakes and then another ran out after.. I thought it was gonna be a third time lucky job but luckily not.

One I'd forgotten.

I was driving along in my old works van (POS Volkswagen LT35) and a pheasant flow out in front of me, I wiped it out with the top nearside of the bonnet (seriously thought it'd be the windscreen). I got back to the office, wiped the claret off and shouted the boss. She came and acknowledged that I'd filled the book in as no damage.

Two days later, she calls me out to the loading bay and asks me to explain why I've put no damage when there's clearly a dent there and that it'd be a disciplinary. I get the union rep out, he looks at it and says to be fair, there's a dent there. She gets the incident book, and reads out the Record "VW LT35, reg number .... hit by pheasant - no damage" and the union bloke agrees that there's damage there.

Then I point out the pair of tits are looking at a Merc Sprinter.